We put our 14+ year old black lab down last week and, if I am being honest with myself, I was unprepared for the grief rollercoaster that ensued. I had never fully grieved before, not as an adult with a fully-formed brain.
I knew the first day would be hard, but thought my life would keep moving; I didn't realize that grief stops everything. It's not an emotion you experience side-by-side with your normal life. Your normal life stops.
I thought I could attend a zoom workout the next day. I thought I could be the strong one, knowing my husband would be in shambles. I thought I would be up for a virtual happy hour with friends or family. And I was wrong.
On day three, I took a shower; I considered that a "win." Other than some viscious hangovers during my early 20s, I'm not sure I've ever considered a shower a "win" before, but now I get it.
There is something freeing about considering the small things wins. Cancelling your to-do list for several days at a time. Not picking up phone calls you can't handle. Giving yourself a pass. Not pressuring yourself to work out.
It's amazing what takes its place. Long conversations with no agenda. Authentic emotional adventure with no time limit. Depths of thought often left untouched between the day's appointments and tasks. It took grief for that to materialize in my life in such a real and valuable way -- but it didn't have to.
We are all making sacrifices right now for the greater good of our local, national, and global societies. We are staying home when we'd prefer to go out and avoiding each other when we would rather be face to face. I wonder if some of us could 'sacrifice' productivity for our own greater good, kick the to-do list goodbye and get some true mental rejuvenation -- without waiting for life to force it upon us.
**Also of note:
- This interview with David Kessler on the collective grief we are experiencing during the COVID-19 crisis
- This podcast with Brené Brown and David Kessler on finding meaning in grief
No comments:
Post a Comment